Today is a beautiful day! I woke up in such a great mood! Once you set it in your mind to think positively regardless of how any situation looks, ( yes it is challenging) things will go smooth. I am going to the gym today. I think I’ll do an hour’s workout.
Proverbs 3: Entire Chapter
This Lent season, I honor wisdom. Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding…” I cannot solve every problem nor can I figure out every person that will come my way.
Popularity can be a curse. There’s something on my mind I’d like to discuss today. This journal of mine is not just for good discussions, but for things that I am concerned about. There are some issues I am even fearful of facing. One of those issues is female relationships. My mother told me when I was in nursery school, I was surrounded by boys and it’s funny that cycle has repeated throughout my life. I have so many male friends, and I treat them as if they’re female friends. As for my female friends, I have four female friends in my life so far. There have been several candidates, but they never held the position as a friend for long. The main issue that developed between me and my former female friends was an identity problem.
My mother has constantly instilled in me to know who I am. She always said I was beautiful, trusting, bright, warm, ( selfish when it comes to sharing objects, lol) but seriously giving when it came to friendships, mature, great attitude towards life, and the list goes on. I didn’t emulate these qualities, for they were naturally given to me by God. As I grew up, I thought being admired and popular was the best thing in the world ( now I think it’s great but NOT THE BEST, lol!). I was a class clown, well admired and one of the birghtest kids from 4th-12th grades. I used to get joked on here and there, but not for too long because I always had a joke to throw back. I didn’t experience jealousy from a female who I cared about until I met my first best friend. My mother saw it, but I was very trusting and thought best friends should be very identical. Don’t get me wrong she was there for me, but our paths begin to divide as I wanted a certain lifestyle and she wanted hers. I won’t give too much detail. Even in my neighborhood, I had girls talking about me and grilling me left and right. Because of that, I kept my affairs outside of the neighborhood. It got even worse as I turned 16. When I began working at a job, I landed a pretty high position at the time. I was underaged for the job, but was still hired. The women ( grown women) learned of me, the new hire, and automatically disliked me because of a favor I was not in control of. The men never gave me an issue. They were all mad cool. Becuase I had to finish highschool, I began working in the department where the hate was already created. It got so ridiculous that one woman ( late 20s-early 30s at the time) sent another co-worker ( mid 20s) to tell me to stay away from her husband as he and I always spoke. I spoke to everyone the same way.
(In between these years, I now have a wonderful BFF…We’ve been friends for 11.5 years now. We met at the Spelling Bee)
A couple years later, I met another best friend of a short three years. Long story short, she did a full blown 360 and put my life in jeopardy all because of jealousy. The situation could have went so many different ways. At the time, I was two months away from becoming a college senior while she dropped out of college 4 months prior. Everyday many came up to me in college and told me she’s jealous and once again my mother forewarned me about her a year before it all happened. I was blinded because I was already in the friendship whole-heartedly. She didn’t know who she was and nor did the other girls who were involved. The whole situation led to good things in the end. I got my college degree in History with a minor in Political Science anyway with a 3.7 GPA, and it feels good to have been home for the last four years. Transferring as a junior to come back to NY was challenging. I had to talk to every department for credit approval which took almost 1 month! A typical student who transfers that late would lose on average up to 50 credits! Because of prayers and favor, I only lost 10 credits. Thank God for his favor! All who were involved are forgiven as it is one of the highlights of my life that has made me a happier person.
I say all of this because, after years of finding out how females get along with one another, I am very careful about who I let in my circle. I may appear to be very serious on the outside when I am surrounded by them, but it’s just for protection. Real recognize real. Now, I understand why the wonderful women I’ve met so far were able to connect with me. A real woman knows who to connect with and they’ll see underneath all that. But I am still going to reach out to women as you never know the beautiful friendship you’ll cultivate. I am confident in myself, and I am very aware I exude this type of energy, but I am not going put my light out for someone who doesn’t know who they are. If I didn’t, then who would do it for me? Everyone has a light. SHINE yours. The Bible tells us we are “fearfully and wonderfully made.”
Hope this has inspired you all,